Encouragement Questions to Help Your Kids Feel Heard

By Marjie Longshore

An encouragement question is an open-ended question that doesn’t have a “right” answer. An open question signals:  

• I’m curious to know what you really think.
• Your ideas are worth listening to.
• Unpredictable answers are welcome.
• I have time for you.
• I want to know more about you.
• There isn’t just one right answer
• There isn’t just one right way to be in this group

“The open question is the most effective means of inviting dialogue. An open question is one that does not have a predetermined response. An open question invites critical reflection, analysis, review, and personal perceptions [and personal sharing]. A closed question, conversely, invites the ‘correct’ answer. Closed questions stop dialogue…” – Jane Vella*

Asking an encouragement questions is a simple yet powerful way to signal to help a person know that they count, they matter, they are interesting, their ideas are valued.

Sample Encouragement Questions

• What is a memory from when you were a child?
• What do you see out your window? (a good one for virtual meetings)
• What color speaks to you today?
• What is your favorite room in the house and why?
• What feeling word comes up for you today?
• What is something you learned from your first job?
• What is a tree that featured prominently in your childhood?
• What is something symbolic in your life?
• What is a thoughtful gift you have received or given?
• What was a memorable car ride (plane ride, travel experience)?
• What is your favorite holiday?
• Who is or was an influential teacher or coach in your life?
• What have you broken or lost that you still think about?
• If you could be any chip – what type of chip would you be?
• What is a smell you like?
• If you could do one hobby, somewhere in the world, what would it be?
• Where is some place you have been that is magical?What was your favorite toy growing up?
• When was the last time you felt special? Did someone help you to feel that way?
• What is the most recent new thing that you have done?
• How do you like to learn things?
• What is something from a former job that you really liked? 
• What is one (memory, experience, activity, place) that brings you joy?
• If you were to open a store, what kind of store would it be?
• What is something that made you smile recently?
• What was your favorite toy growing up?
• What is the food you like best?
• If you could have a super power, what power would you choose?
• If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you like to go, and for how long?
• Which season of the year do you like best? What do you like about it?
• If you could be a different animal species, what would you be?
• If you were to rename yourself today, what name would you like to have?
• What is your favorite color? What do you like about it?
• If you were a shoe, what kind of shoe would you be and why?
• What is something that you’ve been doing lately that you really enjoy?
• What is your favorite scent?
• What is the most unusual food (or food combination) you’ve ever tried?
• If you could wake up fluent in another language, what would it be?
• If you could do one hobby, somewhere in the world, what would it be?
• What made you laugh this week?
• How do you like to enter a body of water? (such as a pool, lake, ocean)
• What color speaks to you today?
• What is something you learned from your first job?
• What is a thoughtful gift you have received or given?
• Who is or was an influential teacher or coach in your life?
• What is something that made you smile recently?
• What is your favorite children’s book?
• What is the most recent new thing that you have done?
• What is something from a former job that you really liked?
• If you could describe yourself in three words, what would they be?
• Who is a book or movie character you admire, and what qualities about them do you like?
• What is your idea of the perfect day?
• What is one of your favorite places?
• What have you broken or lost that you still think about?
• What is a favorite way to play?
• Where is some place you have been that is magical?
• What is something that brings you joy?
• What is one thing you like about yourself?
• What is an activity that you like to do together?
• Who is someone you admire?
• What helps you feel most at home and relaxed?
• What is your favorite room or place to be and why?
• What’s the weirdest dream you’ve ever had?
• What are you most grateful for, right now, in this moment?
• What is the biggest risk you’ve ever taken?
• What do you think is the most challenging part of being a kid?
• What was a memorable car ride (plane ride, travel experience)?
• Did you have a “lovey” as a child? If so, what was its name and do you still have it?

*Vella, Jane. 1995. Pages 179-180. Training Through Dialogue, Jossey-Bass.

What is an open-ended Encouragement Question that you might add to the list?